So I spent hours (okay, minutes) pouring my heart out onto my laptop and I lost the blog. ok, seriously?! I am way new to this whole blogging thing and I am so angry that I erased it on accident!! I get angry so easily. I want to change that. I want to be a patient, graceful woman. I want to bless my husband and children, not curse them with my impatience. I want so badly to be the perfect mom. I want Corey to be proud of me and I want my children to love me. I want them to be graceful and merciful to my poor behavior and yet I expect near perfection from them. I expect myself to be perfect as well. And then when I mess up - especially when someone confronts me with it, I blow up! I am so angry and embarrassed that they recognize my faults. It's like they've seen me naked - stretch marks and rolls and all - and they're announcing their disgust to the world. A little over-dramatic, you say? Why, yes! That's the problem! I need to learn to be self-controlled. What is wrong with me? I am so frustrated with life as a fat lady. I want to be healthy and vibrant, energetic and youthful and sexy for my husband. I want to wear lingerie without it rolling down over my belly and without my breasts protruding because I am ginormous. I want to be proud of who I am and how I look. How you look expresses alot about yourself. Your focus, your discipline... or lack thereof. I just want to be content with who I am. I am working on the whole package: Body, Mind & Spirit. May I be whom I've always dreamt I could be! OK. Good night.
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