Fearful to Discipline

Today, my ten year old daughter lied... twice. Well, once was a flat out face-to-face lie and the other was an act of deception. She told me that she cleaned her room as her Dad had asked her to... which I later discovered - after 20 minutes of free time on the computer - that she in fact had not cleaned her room. I can't believe that she would lie about something that we would definitely find out about! It shows that her immature little heart gives into her flesh so completely, she ignores the eminent outcome, which in this case, would most definitely be punishment! And when she was found out, she admitted lying - which I guess was good - but she wasn't remorseful for her sin, she was remorseful for the punishment that awaited her. I sent her back to her room, promising no electronic entertainment for the remainder of the day, and then - the harsher punishment - I followed her into her bedroom to oversee and micro-manage every movement to assure the true cleaning of her bedroom in its entirety. A few hours later, at the dinner table, she picked through her food, as she tends to do, and then said she was done. She hadn't eaten any of the salad, which was very delicious. I told her to eat the salad because I don't just make foods with the ingredients I do to make the meals taste good, I make it with those specific ingredients to fill her growing body with necessary nutrients to nourish her as she matures. I noticed a pile of thinly sliced sun-dried tomatoes. I told her to eat them. She said okay... and then... she sneakily grabbed them into the napkin in her hand! She looked up at me, saw me looking and then hid the napkin! I was so disappointed. I told her to stop everything, go brush her teeth, and go straight to bed. She tried to argue, so I sternly repeated myself. I told her that she will not be permitted to lie! She stomped away, self-assured that I was the monster in this situation. She obeyed me, but as we continued in our evening routine with the babies, she wailed and growled and screamed from behind her bedroom door. She yelled, "You hate me! You don't even care about me!" Apparently, our daughter knows what to say to hurt us. About a half hour into the punishment, Corey and I began to discuss further punishment - this lying had to stop! Corey decided that he would take her to work with him during the time we were supposed to go with other homeschooling friends to the beach. He figures that if he can bore her to death on top of missing out on a fun engagement, it will deter her the next time she's tempted to lie. As we continued into our conversation, we remembered our own childhoods and how we felt that the whole world was against us. Corey said that he was so sensitive and upset when he argued with his mom, that he contemplated suicide! I never contemplated suicide as a child, but I have seen quite a few media programs on TV lately about children killing themselves at alarmingly young ages. Fear crept over me. Jazzmynne is already in what you would call a "high risk" category for anxiety and depression. With ADHD, Tourette Syndrome and OCD, she finds it painful to interact with people and tends to see herself as weird or a nuisance. Add to that a biological father who is extremely selfish and apparently doesn't give a crap, and you've got a volatile solution brewing. I checked on her a few times in her bedroom, just to be sure that she was okay. Suddenly, I found comfort on her temper tantrum - you can only throw a fit if you are alive. It isn't right that we are fearful to discipline. The Bible tells us to drive folly far from our children. It is hard to be strong for your child for their benefit, when you're in fear for their life! I love Jazzmynne. I pray she stops lying - I have no choice, as a good parent, but to have to punish lying. If she thinks she can get away with it, she'll never learn. I know adults who still lie. My mother-in-law is notorious for her lies to do whatever she wants to do. She lies to friends, family, clients.... doesn't even bat an eye until she realizes our disapproval as she brags of her duping someone out of a commitment. I don;t want Jazzmynne to be a liar. Lord, please give me the words to encourage her towards the truth tomorrow morning. I want to encourage her towards godliness and love her towards righteousness. With God, all things are possible. Please take away my fear to discipline.

Big Boy Bed

Today I became a faux Supernanny client.... I applied Jo's brilliant training techniques to the bedtime routines for Little Corey. I recently placed Little Corey into his crib for a nap as I always do. Minutes later, he knocked from the other side of his door to come out and play.... He climbed out of his crib!! Corey and I promptly went to Babies'R'Us to buy a bed rail so that we could convert his crib to a big boy bed. We have an acquaintance whose daughter broke her arm in three places when she fell while climbing out of her crib and she had to have surgery... three pins into her elbow.... years of checkups to observe growth patterns.... I did not want that pain for my son! We went to "fix" his crib and found that his mattress could go lower on the frame, so we tried this first, certain that he couldn't possibly pull his little body over the crib rail.... he did. His first nap today was spent with me standing by his door for an hour, spying through the cracked door to see if he would climb out of his crib. Aha! Time to implement Nanny Jo Frost's bedtime techniques! The first time he climbed out of bed, I walked in, placed him back into his crib and said "Time for ni-night, sweetie. I love you." and walked out of the room to await his next move. He climbed out again. I returned to his room, placed him back into the crib and sternly said, "Tim for ni-night." (No "Sweetie" or "I love you" to reinforce poor behavior with positive attention) I left the room and stood once again outside his door, spying to see what choice he would make. He climbed out again. This time, I silently placed him back into his crib, avoiding eye contact or any expression which would encourage the behavior further. This continued on and on for quite a while. After about one hour, and seventeen times putting him back into his crib, he finally gave in and went to sleep. During his second nap, he only got out three times in only thirty minutes or so. By the time he went to bed tonight, we converted his crib into a toddler day bed, learned that the rail we bought wouldn't work and so we chanced putting him to bed with no rail and nothing "stopping" him from getting out of bed. Wouldn't you know it?! He went right to sleep and never left his bed! Wow! Thank you, Supernanny! Be good, be good!

Truthful Reflection

We stayed home from church this morning because Little Corey had the poops and Jael had the snots. Lovely. I know. We stayed home and comforted the babies, watching what seemed to be endless hours of Rated Y television programs on the Disney Channel and KPBS. In truth, I am comforted by their sickness. I wanted to stay home. I'm tired. Also, if I really dig deep inside, I see that I am relieved that I have been offered the perfect excuse not to attend Kiana's birthday party. I would love to go to the party if it was just our family getting together with theirs, but other people - people I am no longer comfortable with - will be there. I feel hurt by their inattention to my emails and voicemails. Their lack of response screams a loud, painful message that they don't want to be my friend. Like a child on the schoolyard asphalt, I am embarrassed by my unpopularity among the people I thought were my friends, and I want to hide up here in the upper corner of the play set - up here on the mountain playground I shelter myself within. I feel so petty to be hurt by them. Once again, I expect more from someone than they're willing to give. I am jealous of their friendships and women's retreat experiences together. I want to hide from what hurts me. Why am I this sensitive? I have placed their thoughts and opinions and actions as indicators of my worth. I must choose truth. I must choose nobility. I must choose a life wholly devoted to the Lord - a life that is willing to lose friends in order to be in the place God wants me to be. May I choose that life. May I choose truth to indicate my worth. I am of worth because I am chosen by God for a life of holiness and service to Him. Now... to make it through seeing everyone when we pick up Jazzmynne...

PlayDough Balls of Poop

I couldn't seem to get myself to sleep last night, but eventually, this morning, alas... I fell asleep. Yay! Unfortunately, Little Corey kept waking up. When the sun arose, so did my son. We jumped out of bed to get him.... or at least my hero of a husband did. Usually, we would let him play in his crib for awhile, but the smarty-pants has recently learned how to climb out and his room is not ready for him to free roam. So in my son came, to lay down with Mommy and Daddy. He rolled and squirmed about, as toddlers often do, and he cuddled with us. Corey and I attempted to regain our sleepful bliss, or at least some restful peace. Ah, sleep. I finally discovered the perfect child-cuddling, three people in a queen sized bed position to lie in, and then... Corey suddenly jumped up and whisked Little Corey up off of the bed. "Oh no!" he grumbled sleepily. I rolled over to see what the matter was. Yup. There in the middle of our bed rolled various sized play-dough balls of poop. My son's diaper had exploded onto the sheets as we nestled into eachother. Yuck! And if you thought I was freaking out, you should have seen my upset OCD-driven husband as he completely clean-freaked out. He was so self-controlled though! He knew that if he showed disapproval that our son would be devastated. Little Corey is very sensitive about being criticized. His little man heart already holds himself to a perfectionist standard. A few times, he has accidently peed on the floor whilst running around the house in a towel after a bath... he immediately cried and hid himself, ashamed of the small wet spot on the already stained carpet. We didn't even show disapproval, but he let himself down! I need to be careful to cradle that precious heart of his. For his whole life, may he know that he is safe in my arms. May my eyes show a mother's love as he grows into the man God made him to be.

I Want, I Want, I Want

So I spent hours (okay, minutes) pouring my heart out onto my laptop and I lost the blog. ok, seriously?! I am way new to this whole blogging thing and I am so angry that I erased it on accident!! I get angry so easily. I want to change that. I want to be a patient, graceful woman. I want to bless my husband and children, not curse them with my impatience. I want so badly to be the perfect mom. I want Corey to be proud of me and I want my children to love me. I want them to be graceful and merciful to my poor behavior and yet I expect near perfection from them. I expect myself to be perfect as well. And then when I mess up - especially when someone confronts me with it, I blow up! I am so angry and embarrassed that they recognize my faults. It's like they've seen me naked - stretch marks and rolls and all - and they're announcing their disgust to the world. A little over-dramatic, you say? Why, yes! That's the problem! I need to learn to be self-controlled. What is wrong with me? I am so frustrated with life as a fat lady. I want to be healthy and vibrant, energetic and youthful and sexy for my husband. I want to wear lingerie without it rolling down over my belly and without my breasts protruding because I am ginormous. I want to be proud of who I am and how I look. How you look expresses alot about yourself. Your focus, your discipline... or lack thereof. I just want to be content with who I am. I am working on the whole package: Body, Mind & Spirit. May I be whom I've always dreamt I could be! OK. Good night.